Bound and Tied
by Fractured Dreams
Summary: It was an unrivalled kind of torture that knew no equal. Genma stumbles into another mess, with unexpected results. Part 6 of the Unravelled Series. Yaoi, Genma x Raidou.


**Disclaimer: **I still don't own anything to do with Naruto.

**Warnings: **Angst, Yaoi, swearing. Situations which could be offensive to some readers.

_**Sixth Part of the Unravelled Series. There will be one more after this!**_

_**Bound and Tied **_

Genma was heartsick and weary. He was undeniably dispirited and definitely not himself. His muscles burned with strain and exhaustion, his mind was numb and he was on the verge of collapsing with the hopelessness of it all.

"Just one more Shirunai-san," his young and rather attractive personal trainer urged him on softly.

'He wouldn't mind doing it for a face like that,' Genma's tired mind supplied.

With a grimace, he pushed the bar up again and his arms quivered as he struggled to hold it in place.

"And hold...one...two...three... and release."

Genma lowered the bar back into it's brackets and lay on the bench, his chest heaving as oxygen burned into his lungs.

"You've made great progress, Shirunai-san," Yuki smiled and handed him his towel.

Suppressing a groan, Genma heaved himself up and wiped his face. His arms felt like they were made of lead. In fact, he wouldn't have been surprised if gravity kicked in and ripped them from their sockets. At least they wouldn't hurt anymore.

"You'll pass your test with flying colours on Friday. Hokage-sama will be pleased." Yuki said to him.

Genma glanced at the young man at his side. He had stunning blue eyes, the clearest blue that he'd ever seen. Yuki was an attractive young man, and Genma had seen the admiration, and the attraction directed at him in Yuki's open face. It wasn't surprising; the guy was easier to read than a book, with his large, guileless eyes. He'd have made a terrible ninja, Genma thought to himself.

On days when he felt as if the world was going to crash down around his head and he wouldn't care in the slightest, he allowed himself to let the boys admiration of him feed his ego. At least it made him feel a little better, to bask and feel attractive once more. He was always careful not to lead the boy on too much though, to prevent the boys feelings from developing into something deeper, something he wouldn't be able to handle. Not after Raidou. Not while things were the way they were.

At times he felt a little guilty for using the boy as he did- it wasn't as if he was fucking him and using him as a rebound- but most times he could find a small measure of comfort in the innocent flirtation. Some days he couldn't bring himself to, but other days it came easily to him.

"Thanks Yuki. I'll see you on Friday," Genma answered, accepting the boy's arm to help him get up.

"Have a good week," Yuki told him with that look in his eyes once more. His hand lingered for a moment on Genma's arm and Genma couldn't bring himself to push him away. He was too tired.

With a small wave, he wound his way through the jungle of exercise machines towards the change rooms. The feel of his damp, sweaty clothes against his sweaty body made his skin crawl unpleasantly, so he rid himself of them as quickly as possible.

Genma turned on the shower as hot as it would go, added a little cold then stepped under the spray, allowing the wonderful water to cascade down over his face and body. His hair was getting too long again, he realized half-heartedly. He'd have to get Mika to cut it again soon.

The soap foamed easily in his hand, and he began to slowly wash his torso, scrubbing until he finally felt clean again. As his fingers trailed over his scarred skin, Genma closed his eyes and swallowed back the painful lump rising in his throat. Things had been changing, some things for the better, some for the worse, and he wasn't coping as well as he would have liked.

The good part was that he had almost completed his fitness program at the recovery unit of the hospital. It hadn't been an easy thing to accomplish. He'd fought tooth and nail to regain back what he'd lost; he'd sweated and suffered for every inch he'd gotten out of it. Even he was beginning to see and feel the effects. He'd been feeling infinitely stronger then he had been when he'd first started the course. The steady diet, along with the fitness program had seen the muscle tone he'd lost begin to return. And he'd started to put on weight too, so he didn't look as skinny and as bony as he had. He looked healthier, maybe because he wasn't taking all the medications anymore, with the exception of the anti-seizure medication, and because most of the time he was getting about without the aid of his crutches. On bad days of course, he still needed them. There were still days when he didn't feel well, but they were lessening as well.

On Friday Shizune (whom Tsunade had appointed to be his supervisor) would be overseeing his final fitness evaluation. If all went well and she was satisfied with the results of his arduous toil then she'd begin to ease him back into regular training.

Genma scrubbed his face and leaned his hands against the cold tiles, hanging his head and letting the waters run down over his shoulders.

No, he knew what his problem was. It all stemmed back to Raidou, his saviour, his tormenter, all rolled into one messy package. There was no longer that painful void between them. They still shared a semblance of the old closeness of best friends, with the added awareness of Genma's feelings for Raidou. The sweet man had done everything in his power to ease Genma's hurt, and at times it even worked. Raidou would hold him and comfort him when he needed it, and leave him alone when he needed space. He was very sensitive to Genma's every need, and in return Genma tried his best to respect his decision and keep things on a strictly friends basis. If nothing else, his self-restraint and control was something to be impressed by.

Sometimes he would hug Raidou first (which the scarred man always returned willingly) or he would lean against him while the talked in the evenings, but there was never anything more than that. He preferred to recover from his crippling nightmares alone now, and he knew that Raidou was unhappy to just listen to him scream himself awake, but it was better than Raidou joining him and holding him throughout the night. He couldn't face that for it pushed his bounds of restraint too far. Genma kept his feelings about Raidou to himself, although when Raidou coaxed him into talking about it, he always did so reluctantly.

The truth was that Genma was still deeply in love with Raidou, and it hurt him to know that Raidou would never be his. He would never be able to make him happy, or give him pleasure the way he longed to do so, and he would never be able to be selfish and completely unselfish with him at the same time.

At night he would lie awake, feeling feverish with desire for Raidou, wanting and needing to feel him both physically and emotionally so badly that it almost drove him insane. The only love he shared was with his hand and that did little to ease the pain, and it was no substitute for the real thing. It was an unrivalled kind of torture that had no equal. Genma was suffering, and he knew that it pained Raidou to see him as he was, but there was nothing they could do except maybe to stay away from each other, and even then, Genma knew that that would ultimately make things worse. And neither of them wanted that. So things stayed the way they were, and Genma tried not to stare at Raidou too much, and he tried to keep his pain to himself, to give Raidou some peace.

It worked too, after a fashion.

'_Should have been an actor_,' Genma thought glumly to himself as reached to turn off the taps.

His back twinged painfully as he straightened, but he ignored it as he reached for his towel. Quickly drying himself off, he pulled on his clothes and grabbed his bag. He was going to be late for dinner at Izumo's and Kotetsu's if he didn't hurry.

On the way home in the blustery and grey afternoon, he managed to push his troubles to the back of his mind and put on a brave face. No use in infecting everyone else with his self-pitying gloom. They only needed one angst-ridden shin obi. At the moment it was him and he'd be damned if he was the one ruin everyone else's fun.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Genma closed the apartment door behind him, shutting out the cold wind. A bone deep weariness ate at him, and he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and not leave for the rest of the week.

As it was, he slung his bag to the ground and hung his jacket on the coat peg as Raidou appeared.

"Hey," the scarred man smiled brightly.

Genma found himself smiling back, unable to resist the innocent appeal in that enchanting smile. God, what he wouldn't give to be able to take Raidou in his arms and kiss him senseless.

"Hey yourself."

"How'd it go today?" Raidou asked, disappearing back into the kitchen where he was putting away groceries. Genma followed and eased himself onto a bar stool with a wince.

"Harder than it should have been," he admitted. He'd never been good at lying to Raidou. If it was anyone else lies could roll off his tongue without him even batting an eyelid, but that had never been the case with Raidou.

"Poor Genny-chan," Raidou chuckled, pulling a comical pout.

Genma waved a hand at him, watching half mesmerized as Raidou moved around the kitchen fluidly, reaching up to put things in the cupboards and bending over to put the perishables in the fridge.

"Quiet you," he muttered.

"Seriously though, you're probably just stiff from your last session. You have your evaluation on Friday, don't you?" Raidou asked as he finished and rested a hip against the counter.

"Unfortunately."

"It'll be a cinch. You'll pass it easily," Raidou said confidently.

Genma grinned tiredly. "As touching as your faith in me is, I'm afraid that Shizune is going to be the one testing me. If I remember correctly, she was taught by Tsunade-sama, which means that she's a tough little nut to crack, and a stickler for the rules besides," he sighed. "If I'm going to pass, I have to do everything by the book. She won't go easy on me either."

He got up and began to make a cup of tea. Raidou looked sympathetic.

"That's a bit of bad luck. I don't suppose we can pay her off?" he asked with a grin, trying to lighten the mood.

"If that were possibly I would have done it already," he replied heavily.

He went to the fridge, unable to keep the slight limp from his walk as his back ached.

"Is your back hurting again?" Raidou asked quietly.

Genma turned his back on Raidou to pour milk in his tea. "I'm just tired. It's nothing to worry about."

He sensed Raidou approach him from behind, and he couldn't help tensing a little bit, the way he always did whenever Raidou came too close for comfort.

"Where does it hurt?"

"My lower back, but it doesn't..." he broke off and gasped when Raidou's fingers probed the sorest area gently.

"There?"

Genma could do nothing but nod and wince as Raidou gently but firmly kneaded the tight muscles. He bit his lip, feeling the familiar tightness in his throat, and loving the physical contact way too much. He hated Raidou being so close and not daring to touch him return, for fear of overstepping the boundaries and shattering his self-control.

He couldn't suppress a groan as Raidou worked out the worst of the pain.

"That better?" Raidou asked huskily.

Genma nodded again. "Thanks," he told him hoarsely.

But Raidou didn't move away as he'd expected he would. Instead strong arms slid around his waist and a cheek rested against his back.

"I hate seeing you like this," Raidou whispered unexpectedly.

"I'm not..." he began, hoping to shield Raidou, but Raidou was not hearing any of his feeble lies this time.

"I could see it in your eyes the moment you walked through the door," he said quietly, but with a steely note in his voice that brooked no argument.

"It'll pass. I just need some sleep."

Raidou sighed and tightened his hold around Genma's waist slightly, sending a thrill of pleasure through his body. He clenched his fists on the countertop in an effort to keep from trembling.

"Try not to run yourself down so much Genma."

Unable to take the contact any longer, Genma straightened and Raidou released him. He was desperate for some personal space between them, and he began to move away, his tea forgotten, but Raidou put a hand on his arm to stop him. Warm, calloused hands cupped his face and drew his head downwards until his forehead was pressed gently against Raidou's.

"You think too much Genny-chan," he murmured.

Genma closed his eyes and swallowed difficulty. For a moment he'd thought that Raidou was going to kiss him, and his heart had leapt at the thought, and then plummeted when he'd realized that that wasn't Raidou's intention.

"I know. Believe me, I know."

Slowly he drew away. "I don't think I'll be able to come tonight Raidou. I'm not feeling up to it."

He met Raidou's searching gaze as he stepped away, and watched as he nodded.

"Okay. That's okay. They'll understand."

Breathing a silent sigh of relief, Genma relaxed and began to move towards the sanctuary that was his bedroom. As he passed Raidou, he couldn't resist touching his arm for the briefest of moments.

"Have fun tonight."

"I will. Remember to eat something," Raidou told him.

He nodded once more and went into his bedroom, feeling as if someone had sucker punched him in the gut. As if someone had placed the troubles of the entire village on his shoulders and was standing back to laugh at him as he struggled. Once the door was closed behind him, he sagged against it in relief for a moment before he straightened and changed into a pair of sleep pants. The moment his head hit the pillow he was asleep, the exhaustion from his strenuous work out and the grief and emotional turmoil making a potent mix for Genma's tired mind.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

A loud crash startled Genma from his previously peaceful sleep. For a moment, he lay tangled in his sheets, confused and disorientated, before his mind began to grasp what was going on. Another bang, muffled this time, jolted Genma into a sitting position, despite his aching body and groggy head.

There was somebody in the apartment.

Wincing with pain, he got out of bed and he pulled open the door grimly, ready to confront and repel the intruder (although he doubted that he could do much in his state). It was probably just a teenager, fuelled by drugs or alcohol, and looking for an adrenalin rush.

It wasn't until he was halfway across the dark living room that he realized the voice uttering the colourful string of curses belonged to Raidou.

Cursing himself, he fumbled around for a lamp and turned it on. The bright light made him blink quickly several times, and made Raidou swear again. When his eyes adjusted, he looked up in time to watch a very obviously drunk Raidou stagger into the doorway with a sheepish grin.

"Heya, man. Didn' mean t' wake you," he grinned.

Raidou had always handled his drink well, and only when he'd consumed vast amounts of alcohol did he get truly drunk. As was the case presently, if the flushed cheeks and the bright, mirth filled eyes were anything to go by. Fortunately for him, alcohol tended to leave Raidou's system quickly, so it usually didn't take long for him to sober up.

Genma quietly resigned himself to handling a cheerfully drunk and affectionate Raidou. It must have been some dinner party. He was amazed that Raidou had made it home in one piece.

"Let's get you to bed," he murmured, approaching him. His entire body screamed at him for every movement, reminding him of his torture session at the gym yesterday afternoon. For a moment, he was angry at Raidou, for letting himself get so drunk that he needed to be taken care of, when he knew that Genma was hardly in a fit state to do so.

After a moment, he sighed and dismissed the anger, knowing that it wouldn't get him anywhere, nor would it get Raidou into bed.

"'m not tired Genny-chan," Raidou protested, although he didn't resist when Genma pulled him off the doorframe and dragged his arm over his shoulders.

"The only reason I left was 'cause Tetsu and Zumo were making out on the couch," Raidou informed him. "Man, there was some serious tongue-locking going on there."

Genma grimaced at the colourful imagery that Raidou's slurred words inflicted on his mind, and he steadied Raidou as he swayed against him. He somehow managed to half drag, half support him as they headed for the bathroom.

Genma sat him down on the bath step and turned to find a wash cloth.

"Genny?" the voice was tremulous, and devoid of the laughter which had infected it moments before. Frowning, he turned to see a rather pale faced Raidou sway dangerously where he sat.

"Don't feel so good."

Genma's eyes widened and he hauled Raidou over to the toilet just in time, wincing at the sounds Raidou made as he emptied his stomach. He almost gagged at the strong stench that followed, but he stoically flushed the toilet and retrieved a dampened washcloth and a glass of water before he returned to Raidou's side. The slightly smaller man was leaning weakly against the toilet, hanging onto it as if it were his lifeline.

"Raidou? C'mon, look at me," Genma coaxed.

Blood shot eyes met his, as he wiped sweat and sick off his friends face before he handed him the glass of water.

After rinsing and spitting several times, Raidou miserably went back to using the toilet to support himself. Genma reached up and stroked Raidou's hair sympathetically. How many times had they been in such a state together? he wondered sadly. Ever since their teenage years, they'd never passed up a chance for alcohol, good company and a few laughs. He missed those times; being drunk with Raidou was guaranteed to be entertaining, and despite the hangovers, he'd never regretted it.

"Time for bed I think," he whispered affectionately into Raidou's ear with a smile. "You lightweight."

It was a lie, but it had never failed to get a friendly argument out of him. As it was, Raidou slapped him feebly and Genma laughed quietly.

"Genma?" Raidou said weakly, without raising his head.

"Hmmm?" Genma was running the cool washcloth over the back of Raidou's neck, wiping away the sweat tenderly, not even aware of what he was doing.

"I think I love you..."he said, his voice still slurred. "I want you..."

For the briefest of moments, Genma's heart skidded to a stop, and he could hardly breathe. Then his heart started again, thundering at a hundred miles a moment, so hard and painful that Genma felt slightly sick. A hot band tightened around his chest and constricted his throat.

_It's the drink talking, _ he told himself. _It's only the drink..._

The heaven's knew he said things he didn't mean when he was drunk, but hearing those particular words caused a backlash of pain throughout him, as fast and as hot as a lightning bolt.

"And I think you've had too much to drink," Genma managed in a hoarse whisper. "C'mon, let's get you up."

With a lot of difficulty that had nothing to do with Raidou's deadweight, he got Raidou to his feet, and although he was swaying unsteadily, he managed to stay upright. Genma led Raidou to his bed room, and stripped off the man's sweaty shirt and removed his shoes as quickly as he could.

Raidou paid no heed to his desperation to get out, to get away as quickly as he could because he was already asleep. By the time that Genma pulled the covers up over his friend, he was already asleep, and Genma made his escape.

For a moment, he leant against the wall beside Raidou's door and pressed the fingers of one hand into his eyes, trying to suppress the tremors of sadness that rocked through his body.

_Had it all been a lie, then? Were all the excuses that Raidou had fed him been untrue? _

_It was all untrue, _he told himself._ He didn't mean what he said. Everyone says things they don't mean when they're drunk. Everyone knows that..._

But that didn't make it any easier, hearing him say what he'd longed to hear for months. With a dry half-sob, he stumbled away to his room, and back to his cold, uninviting bed.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

It seemed like only a few minutes later when Genma woke up again from a fitful sleep this time. For a moment, he was unsure what had woken him, but when his door closed softly, he rolled over and forced himself into a half sitting position in alarm.

Raidou stumbled over to Genma's double bed and crawled clumsily under the covers before burying his face in a pillow and mumbling unintelligibly.

Gulping down his rolling emotions, Genma reached over and shook his shoulder gently.

"Raidou, this isn't your room. This isn't your bed," he whispered in a voice that shook slightly.

"Grngh...lemme stay awhile," was the groaned reply.

"Please, Raidou, you need to go back to your own bed," Genma pleaded with him.

But Raidou was dead to the world, and nothing Genma did roused him out of sleep. Panic was making his heart thud unpleasantly, and he lay back down, keeping his distance as he tried to calm himself down and consider his options.

He was too weak to carry Raidou back to his own room, and sleeping on the couch wasn't an option. Tsunade had forbidden it, because it wasn't good for his healing back. The only option was to sleep in Raidou's bed, surrounded by sheets and pillows that carried the pleasant smell of Raidou. Such sweet torture, but nothing could be as cruel as having Raidou in his own bed with him.

With a sigh, he began to sit up, but at that moment, Raidou shifted closer and wound himself around Genma, preventing him from sitting up as he'd intended. Genma's breath hitched painfully as Raidou's skin made contact with his own. The feel of Raidou's warm, smooth skin was a different kind of pleasure, and one he'd never experienced before. So bittersweet, and yet it was everything he wanted, everything he'd been craving for months, maybe even years. To hold him close and to reveal in everything that was Raidou was his only desire, and he trembled again, fighting the instinct to pull the man closer.

He couldn't do this. He couldn't have Raidou so close to him and still be able to fight all the temptations that the situation presented. He wasn't strong enough to deal with it, and he had to run, he had to get away, as far away as he could from Raidou before he did something that he shouldn't.

As he tried to slip from the arms and legs that were tangled with his own, the sleeping man tightened his hold on Genma, making escape impossible. Not only was he weakened physically, but emotionally as well. No matter what he tried, he couldn't make Raidou let him go, and he was getting more desperate by the moment, burning with conflicting pain and desire. It hurt, to feel Raidou holding him, and knowing that if he held him back, he'd get lost within the small heaven that Raidou's arms created for him.

_It wasn't fair, _he thought dully. _It's not fair..._

Still, he delighted in the contact, and willed his body not to take an avid interest.

For what seemed like endless hours, Genma lay on his back, one arm pinned to his side by Raidou and the other resting on his stomach, with Raidou's head pillowed on his chest. Strong arms, and legs held him captive and there was no escaping now. Genma stared at the ceiling, and listened to the other man's breathing, feeling the welcome warmth that emanated from him, but not sharing it. He barely noticed the few stray tears that slipped down his cheeks silently.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

As dawn pushed at the horizon and painted the sky with rosy hues Genma turned his face to watch the sun rise. His cheeks itched from the tears that had dried on his cheeks, and he longed to move into a more comfortable position, but Raidou hadn't released him from his hold.

Genma felt hollow. As if someone had scooped out everything inside him, leaving only an uninhabited body and a desolate, wounded heart behind.

Words were of no use to him anymore. They only crumbled into dust in his mouth, and there was nothing that could be done to heal the hurts of the previous night.

Against him, Raidou stirred and for the briefest of moments, Genma allowed himself to brush his fingers reverently against the smooth skin of Raidou's shoulder.

_Cruel, _he thought. Such unintentional cruelty only made the pain cut deeper.

Almost an hours later, Raidou woke up with a groan. After a few moments, he sat up with an expression on his face that revealed how badly his head was pounding.

Genma lay still, his face turned towards the window, unable to face what was about to come. The horrified expression on Raidou's face would surely break him all over again

"Genma? What are you doing..." A confused Raidou looked around. "This isn't my room."

Genma didn't reply, unable to work up the courage or the heart to explain what had happened. The silence was unbearable, and he had no doubt that Raidou's head was whirling with thoughts as he pieced together the facts. Genma sat up, and swung stiff legs over the edge of the bed, turning his back on Raidou.

"Genma, what happened last night? Why am I in your bed?" Raidou asked tentatively.

He couldn't bear to look at Raidou so he kept his back turned as he began to speak.

"You were drunk. I put you in your bed but you came to mine later," he replied, struggling to keep his voice even and steady. It mustn't have worked very well though. There was the sound of rustling sheets, and the bed dipped as Raidou moved to sit next to him and looked at him. Genma kept his eyes glued to the same spot on the floor, with his jaw clenched against the pain.

"You've been crying," Raidou's voice shook. "What happened? What did I do? Please tell me."

Genma finally turned his head and looked into Raidou's desperate and upset face for a long moment.

"Nothing you'd want to remember," he said as he stood.

Raidou caught his wrist and looked up at him.

"Whatever it was i said, I'm sorry, Genma. I know I've hurt you somehow. Please tell me," he pleaded. "I want to make it right."

Genma turned slightly, and caressed Raidou's soft bottom lip with his thumb for a moment.

"It's okay, Raidou. It doesn't matter anyway. It's okay."

Raidou was staring at him with pleading eyes. He dropped his hand and found some clean clothes. His limbs felt heavy and were slow to obey, and he was having trouble trying to focus his mind properly. An odd calm had taken a hold of him, despite the pain, and it disturbed a part of him.

"I'm going to have a shower."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Genma raised a hand and knocked on the door before him. After a few minutes of impatience, he heard the quiet padding of feet on floorboards and the door opened, revealing a tired looking Hayate.

"Genma," Hayate blinked in surprise, eying his small bag and the crutches in confusion. "What's wrong? What's going on?"

"Nothings wrong, Hayate. I was wondering if i could borrow your spare room for the day?" He asked with a weary smile.

"Come in," Hayate said after a moment.

"Thanks Hayate."

"It's no problem. Did you fall out with Raidou?" Hayate asked as he led the way down the cool, dark hallway.

"Not exactly. I just need some place and somewhere to sleep for awhile."

"You're welcome to stay as long as you like. I've got to leave on a mission soon, so you'll have the place to yourself."

"Thanks again Hayate."

Hayate showed him to the guest room, and left him alone. Genma dropped his bag and stripped down to his boxers before falling into the bed and sucumbing to an exhausted sleep.

When Genma woke up late that afternoon, he felt considerably more rested and only a little better emotionally. He got up and dressed before writing a note for Hayate and let himself out, remembering to lock the doors and windows.

Once more, the late afternoon was blustery and gloomy, as they sky clouded over. For once, the weather suited his mood, he thought glumly as he made his way to Izumo's and Kotetsu's apartment. Raidou had been assigned a three day long mission and he had left this morning. At least they'd have some time and distance to sort things out again before they tried to resolve things.

He nocked on their door and prepared himself for whatever lecture he was about to receive.

Kotetsu was the one who answered the door, with a serious expression written on his face.

"Raidou told us what happened. We've been worried," he said after a pause.

Genma nodded, feeling inexplicably tired and worn all over again.

"I was at Hayate's."

Suddenly and unexpectedly, Kotetsu moved forwards and pulled him into a tight embrace. Genma stiffened in shock, then relaxed into the hug, and buried his face in his friends shoulder, trembling with suppressed sobs. He wouldn't let himself cry. He had cried too many tears over this ordeal, and he refused to sacrifice his pride anymore just to feel a little better.

Kotetsu just held him, offering silent comfort as they stood in the doorway, bathed in the golden light spilling from the apartment.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Two days later, Raidou returned. Genma was more composed and a little stronger. Strong enough, at least, to try and patch things up with Raidou once more, despite the misery that resided within him. What he needed most in his life was Raidou. And if that meant getting hurt over and over, then he would do it, if only to stay by Raidou's side. He would survive somehow, as he always did. He would live to see many days to come.

Kotetsu and Izumo were caught up in administration work at the Hokage's tower, so he was all alone in their apartment. He was cooking- something he always enjoyed doing- and the smells wafting about the kitchen were tantalizing his nose and making his stomach rumble in anticipation.

If there was a serious and mature conversation to be had, it was best done in a civilized atmosphere (something not usually associated with Genma's rakish nature, but still). Maybe without the alcohol, considering the circumstances.

Even though he liked cooking as a way to relax, that didn't mean he donned a frilly pink apron and danced about the kitchen to upbeat, feel good music. No, Genma liked to be barefoot and comfortable in house pants and not much else. Except now he wore a Singlet as well, to cover up his scarred and mutilated body. There was no use in scaring his friends with the physical reminders of what had happened to him, so he preferred to keep the worst of them covered. It wasn't because he was vain and ashamed. Well, maybe a little. The scars were a reminder of his own weakness and foolishness. He had been stupid enough to get caught, and he had suffered the consequences and learned a lesson. And he'd learned that lesson damned well.

Turning his mind away from that dark issue (he had yet to deal with those particular demons) he went back to considering his steak sauce and trying to decide whether or not it needed more spices. The sound of the door being unlocked and opened sounded. He made a valiant effort not to tense up too much and he continued to stir the sauce as Raidou entered.

Genma looked up at him and gave a genuine smile, pleased and relieved to see that he was safe and uninjured, save for a white bandage around his right forearm, visible through the torn fabric of the sleeve of his shirt. Raidou smiled uncertainly in return as he slipped off his dirt and sweat stained flak jacket and sandals.

"You look beat," he said by way of greeting.

A dry chuckle reached his ears. "Something smells good."

"Dinner."

He sensed Raidou approach him slowly from behind, and he looked up again, taking a moment to run his eyes over Raidou's face to make sure that he really was alright. Apart from look tired and ready for a long hot bath and a warm bed, he looked to be in perfect health.

"You always were a good cook," Raidou murmured distractedly as he watched Genma stir the sauce.

"Why don't you go get a shower," Genma suggested, finally able to relax completely now that Raidou was with him again. "Then we can eat."

Whatever happened between them, Genma realized, they could always overcome. Genma had never been able to stay angry at Raidou for long, no matter what he'd done. And both of them were quick to sort things out, forgive and move on. Because that's what friends did. They were there for each other. They gave each other a good dressing down when they needed it, and then they offered a shoulder to cry on and whatever consolation that was needed. Mates stuck by each other. Loyalty was they key to friendship, and trust. What had happened the other night had been unintentional, Genma knew, because he knew that Raidou would never ever hurt him like that intentionally. Which meant that there was an explanation somewhere.

Raidou was Genma's heart. His home. And you didn't give up on a heart just because it had hurt or been hurt a few times. He wouldn't abandon his heart just because it had been broken. With time, all wounds healed. Things got better, and people moved on. That was the law of the universe, and one that Genma had to believe in wholeheartedly. You had to fight and work to keep a relationship stable and alive, and Genma employed that in all his relationships- his friends, his family, his lovers or his love, it didn't matter. Love was hard work, and love was worth the fight. Even if it was unrequited love, what Genma felt was real and strong, as strong as his fierce love for the shinobi way, and for his village.

Raidou didn't reply to his suggestion for a few moments, then,

"Are you trying to tell me that I stink?"

A slow smile spread over Genma's face when he heard the amusement in Raidou's voice.

He looked up at Raidou and held his gaze as he smirked. "Me? Never."

The smile on Raidou's face still took Genma's breath away and he could do nothing but smile back.

"Here," he said, his voice slightly husky. He raised a spoon full of sauce. "Taste."

Raidou never broke their eye contact as he sipped delicately from the spoon. Genma's mouth went dry and he fought to keep his hands steady.

"It's delicious." Raidou murmured, still studying Genma's face closely. "I'm starving."

He was finally forced to tear his gaze away so he could remove the pan from the heat.

"Well, if you won't go and have a shower then sit down and I'll bring it over."

Raidou nodded and slipped out to set the table. Genma took a moment to calm his nerves and his racing heart as he spooned the sauce over the steak stir fry he'd made. It felt amazing, that strange moment they'd shared a moment ago, but Genma was wary. Was Raidou playing with him again, leading him on, only to find a dead end? He shook his head. Raidou would never do such a thing to him and he'd been stupid to even think it.

'It was all okay,' he told himself. 'Everything would be okay.'

Raidou had poured two glasses of green tea and was setting them on the table when he entered. He smiled and shook his head. Trust Raidou. When he'd found out that Genma had been forbidden to drink alcohol while he was on medication, he'd been adamant that Genma followed the order. And whenever he was around Raidou, the older man refused to drink anything even remotely alcoholic, despite Genma's arguments that he really didn't mind.

After he'd set the plates on the table, he took his place opposite Raidou.

"Itadakimasu," he murmured as he picked up his chopsticks. Raidou followed suit and they dug into the meal, eating for a few moments in silence, as they took the edge off their hunger.

"Did you run into Zumo and Tetsu at the tower?" Genma asked when the silence got too much for him.

"Uh huh. They won't be back for a few hours yet. Got bogged down with another load of paper work," Raidou answered.

"Ah. How was your mission anyway?"

"Trying. A complete waste of time," Raidou sighed as he sipped his tea.

"Oh?"

And Raidou proceeded to relate the tale of his latest mission involving a complicated family feud which had escalated to the point of violence. It was so complicated that it sounded outright ridiculous to Genma, but it kept him laughing never the less. Throughout the telling, Raidou never once took his eyes from Genma's face with a strange look in his eyes and a small smile on his face at the same time. While it made Genma feel hotly uncomfortable, he loved being the focus of Raidou's attention, and although he knew it was bad to get his hopes up, and that he was likely to get his heart trampled on again, he couldn't help but feel like it meant something.

When their laughter died down, their food sat forgotten as they looked at each other, both contemplating things which were incomprehensible to the other. Genma was the first to speak.

"These last few days have been hell, haven't they?"

He watched as Raidou rubbed his forehead and sighed.

"It has. When I was stuck in the middle of such pointless and absurd arguments, I could barely keep from telling them all to pull their fingers out and do something meaningful for once. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I've had less than ten hours sleep in the last two nights."

Genma's heart went out to him. It had been like his head was going around in circles, and always coming back to Raidou. It had been his face he'd seen in the darkness at night, like it was burned into the backs of his eyelids.

"I know how you feel."

"You do. I know what it's like now," Raidou said quietly as he looked down at his hands resting on the table. "What did I say to you Genma? I'd like to know."

'No you don't Genma thought but he didn't say it. He looked down at his half finished dinner and ignored the hair that fell across his face. It was better to get it over with, right? Like ripping off a bandaid, except the pain was a hundred times worse.

"You told me..." Genma swallowed, and struggled to get the words out evenly. "You told me that you...thought you were falling for me. And that you'd been...attracted to me for awhile."

This was said in a rough, gravely voice that sounded nothing like his own. A sigh forced him to look up at Raidou.

"I was afraid it was something like that." Raidou sounded upset, which didn't surprise Genma in the slightest.

"I told myself that you didn't mean it. That it was the drink talking. Was I right?"

For a few agonising minutes, Raidou was silent, staring contemplatively at his food. Genma thought that he wasn't going to answer, and he was considering leaving the room, running away again from the source of pain like a child, but he forced himself to sit still and wait. His heart was in his throat and he could almost taste the tension in his mouth, like a dry and sharp tang.

Eventually, Raidou raised his hand and scuffed his hair.

"No. You were wrong," Raidou said quietly, a little sadly.

Genma grew very still, his eyes fixated on his best friends face. and his heart pounding, not daring to hope. But...

"What?"

"I think maybe I made a mistake when I told you that I didn't want you," Raidou said in a small voice.

Genma felt a surge of disbelief, which swiftly turned into hot anger and confusion, but he managed to keep it under control so he could really think about what Raidou was telling him.

"How so?" he asked in a carefully neutral tone.

How could this be happening? All the pain, all that agony he'd been experiencing had been for nothing? How could Raidou do that to him? How could his best friend put him through all that, only to tell him that it had been a mistake, that he'd changed his mind? Never before had he been so furious with Raidou, and he wasn't sure whether or not he wanted to punch him or pull him into his arms and kiss the living daylights out of him.

"I never wanted to hurt you Genma," Raidou said in a pained voice. "I hope you know that. I thought that it would never work out between us, that we'd fall apart and stay apart for the rest of our lives, and I couldn't bear the thought of you not being with me. I was scared." Raidou took a deep breath, and Genma noticed that his hands were trembling on the table. A part of him respected Raidou for having th courage to come out and say all of this, especially when Genma was feeling so confrontational. Everyone knew that he wasn't easy to deal with when he was in the mood for a fight, but that had never been an issue with Raidou. Now, apparently it was.

"I managed to hurt you anyway, didn't I? And it's been tearing me apart, Genma. Like someone was crushing my heart in a vice, and I've never felt a pain like that before. Not for anyone."

He had just described what Genma had been experiencing in a crystal clear detail, and he wasn't quite sure how to handle it. As he listened, he felt the anger slowly draining away, and it left in it's wake pain, and confusion and a strong dose of disbelief.

"I've been thinking a lot these last few days. All these thoughts crammed in my head are driving me crazy, and they're all about you."

Raidou stopped there, and didn't continue, refusing to look at Genma.

"Go on," he urged, needing to see where he was going before he got in too deep. Too late, a voice screamed at him, but he ignored it and focused solely on Raidou's stricken face.

Raidou finally raised tortured eyes to him.

"I've never been with another man, Genma. I know you have, but I've only ever been with women. Hell, I've never even been in a steady relationship before, so I have no clue how to act, or what to say or how a relationship should be. And the thought of giving myself completely to someone isn't an idea that I'm comfortable with."

"So what are you trying to say, Raidou?" Genma dared to ask.

"I'm trying to tell you that I wasn't ready to consider being in a relationship a few weeks ago. I was scared of what it would mean. But I've had a lot of time to sort myself out, and I'm not scared anymore, Genma. I want to be with you." Raidou shifted in his chair, uncomfortable. "If you'll still have me, that is. I know I don't deserve a second chance, but..."

"Raidou..." Genma interrupted. " Just give me a moment, will you?"

Raidou nodded, blushing hotly, and Genma thought that it was the prettiest thing he had ever seen.

He forced himself to look down at the table, to study the grains in the wood as his thoughts whirled. Raidou wanted him? Wanted to be with him? It was an alien thought to him now, and yet, he still wanted it with every fibre of his being. But he couldn't rush into it, not this time. He needed to be clear on the facts and the boundaries, and they needed to sort things out, or it would only cause more heartbreak in the future.

Slowly he got up, and wandered out of the room. He made his way to the living room window and looked out into the darkness, studying the lights of Konoha and wondering about all the possibilities that lay before him. Raidou had opened a new door in invitation, and it was up to him to take the next step or not. To cross that invisible line that separated friends from lovers. There was no going back if he took the plunge.

He could hear Raidou clearing the table quietly behind him, and he knew that this wasn't over yet. They were both taking the much needed break to compose their thoughts and prepare for round two.

When he heard the scuff of Raidou's feet on the floor boards behind him, Genma worked up the nerve to ask what he'd been wondering.

"Are you still scared to commit to something? Because I'm interested in a permanent thing, Raidou, not just a fling to satisfy your curiosity. I won't be tossed aside when you get tired of me," Genma said in a hard voice.

Raidou looked at him with hurt in his eyes. "I would never do that to you, Genma."

"Well, right now I'm a little confused. I don't know what to think. When I'm finally coming to terms with your last decision, you come and drop this bombshell on me," Genma said angrily. "So I want the truth, and nothing less this time. No more lies and no more hiding. Tell me, Raidou."

Raidou was looking at him, with shielded eyes, and it only made Genma more cautious, and more on edge about the whole thing.

"I'm still a little scared. A little unsure of what to expect, I guess. But I realized that it would be you that I would be giving myself to. Someone I trust with my life. I know you'd never use my fears and insecurities against me. You already know me inside and out, just like I know you."

"So you're only doing this because it's convenient? Because there's no one else? " Genma asked stiffly. And as much as the idea pained him, he knew that he would settle for that, because it meant that he could have a part of Raidou. Even if it wasn't his heart, and his soul, he would settle for what he got. And it scared him, and made him angry.

All of a sudden, Raidou was before him, looking into his eyes desperately, and gripping his Singlet with strong hands.

"It's not like that, Genma. I swear it. I only want you, and no one else. I want to be the one who you wake up with in the morning, and the one that you go to sleep with. I want to be the only one you look at, and I don't want anyone else to be the one. Only you." Raidou let his head fall onto Genma's shoulder as he released a shaky breath. "Only you," he whispered again.

Genma's throat was tight. He couldn't believe what Raidou was offering him, of what had been laid in front of him. And it was everything he'd hoped for, and more. Raidou, offering himself freely to Raidou, heart mind and soul. Genma opened his mouth to speak, to say something, but nothing came out.

"I know I caused you more pain with my mistake. I hope you can forgive me and come to understand that...i really do love you," Raidou whispered.

"Oh god," Genma found himself choking out. "Oh god oh god oh god. I love you Raidou, more that anything."

Somehow, he managed to raise his arms and wrap them around Raidou, holding on for all he was worth, determined never to let go, ever. Raidou was clutching at him just as desperately, as if his life depended on it, and Genma knew that this was how it was supposed to be. Genma pressed his face against Raidou's neck, and buried a hand in the soft hair. He was trembling, but not crying. His need was great for Raidou. All he wanted to do was touch and feel and breathe him in, to be inside him, and to have him inside of him. Filling all the little holes in his soul until nothing else mattered.

"I know," Raidou whispered. " I love you back"

Genma drew back a little when he felt wetness in his hair.

"You're crying. Why are you crying?" he asked, with quiet wonder, reverently touching his fingered to the wetness on Raidou's cheeks.

"I don't know," Raidou said with a weak laugh. "Pathetic aren't I?"

"No," Genma said quietly as he wiped the tears away with the fingers of one hand. "Not pathetic. Beautiful."

He pressed his forehead to Raidous, feeling his breath against his face and imprinting this memory into his brain, to remember forever.

It didn't seem real yet.

Raidou was the one who initiated the kiss, offering his lips unabashedly, and Genma worshipped them with everything he had and more, forcing himself not to rush things as he returned the kiss chastely. The softness of Raidou's lips against his own was the thing of dreams. One chaste kiss, then another and another. Genma almost jumped when he felt the gentle brush of Raidou's tongue as he ventured to deepen the exploration. Almost immediately, he opened his mouth and let Raidou set the pace of the kiss. Genma soon lost himself in the honeyed warmth of Raidou's sweet mouth, and he wrapped his arms tightly around him, feeling the embrace returned willingly and readily.

Genma was half hard by the time they drew apart. Raidou was panting slightly, his face flushed and his lips swollen and glistening, tempting Genma to plunder his mouth mercilessly and have his wicked way right there. He didn't though, because Raidou had buried his face in Genma's chest looking somewhat dazed.

He stroked Raidou's messy hair as he let his bliss and insane happiness run through his veins like a forbidden nectar which had somehow been acquired.

"I'm sorry, Genma," Raidou whispered, his voice muffled by Genma's clothes.

For one terrifying moment, he thought Raidou had changed his mind again, but he relaxed when he heard his next whispered words.

"I caused you so much pain. I was horrible to you. I hate myself for it," Raidou said sadly.

Genma raised Raidou's chin with two fingers, forcing his new partner to look him in the eyes.

"Don't be koibito. There's no need to dwell on it now. And you want to know why?" he asked with a slow smile.

"Why?" Raidou asked somewhat breathlessly.

He leaned down so that his lips brushed lightly against the other man's

"Because we have other things we could be doing," be breathed seductively.

Raidou groaned and trembled slightly against him, before he crushed his lips to Genma's once more, desperate for more contact. Genma gave it gladly, the kiss hard and passionate and filled with pent up emotions and frustrations, and nothing could have been any better for either one of them.

Everything was as it was supposed to be.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Thank god for that! This has been screaming inside my head to be written, and i've finally done it! i hope everyone who has read the other stories in this series enjoyed this one, and i also hope that you'll leave some feedback! (I'm not afraid to beg, ya know!) Stick around for the next and last installment of the series! (Haven't written it yet, but there are a few idea's i'm playing around with.)

Thanks for reading!

Ja Ne!


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